Call Me by My True Names

Do not say that I’ll depart tomorrow
because even today I still arrive.

Look deeply: I arrive in every second
to be a bud on a spring branch,
to be a tiny bird, with wings still fragile,
learning to sing in my new nest,
to be a caterpillar in the heart of a flower,
to be a jewel hiding itself in a stone.

I still arrive, in order to laugh and to cry,
in order to fear and to hope.
The rhythm of my heart is the birth and
death of all that are alive.

I am the mayfly metamorphosing on the surface of the river,
and I am the bird which, when spring comes, arrives in time
to eat the mayfly.

I am the frog swimming happily in the clear pond,
and I am also the grass-snake who, approaching in silence,
feeds itself on the frog.

I am the child in Uganda, all skin and bones,
my legs as thin as bamboo sticks,
and I am the arms merchant, selling deadly weapons to
Uganda.

I am the twelve-year-old girl, refugee on a small boat,
who throws herself into the ocean after being raped by a sea
pirate,
and I am the pirate, my heart not yet capable of seeing and
loving.

I am a member of the politburo, with plenty of power in my
hands,
and I am the man who has to pay his “debt of blood” to, my
people,
dying slowly in a forced labor camp.

My joy is like spring, so warm it makes flowers bloom in all
walks of life.
My pain if like a river of tears, so full it fills the four oceans.

Please call me by my true names,
so I can hear all my cries and laughs at once,
so I can see that my joy and pain are one.

Please call me by my true names,
so I can wake up,
and so the door of my heart can be left open,
the door of compassion.

Thich Nhat Hanh

Dharma Writing Workshop

Being a very successful career woman, she has the job and income that everyone admires. However, she pays dearly for this – she has to sacrifice her family, her social life and above all, her health.

If we have the conversation a few year ago, she would be saying that it is worth it… but now, she somehow expressed that maybe this type of lifestyle is not making her happy and fulfilled.

Sometime I wonder how do we draw our boundary? How much is putting enough effort into career? How much is giving too much in this context?

And also, for the rich people – having how much money is enough for them? I am sure you have seen lots of wealthy people who cry over a lost opportunity of making a few million, whereas they have already have more than have enough to feed the entire village for years.

Fear often lies beneath our compulsion to gain more. We falsely believe that possessions will bring us security in cyclic existence. In fact, our attachment to them keeps us bound in a prison of dissatisfaction. We constantly crave more and better, yet are never satisfied with what we have. There are very few people in big cities that really don’t have enough for survival, it’s actually the fear of not having enough that bound us in this prison.

Appreciating what you have and being in the present is so important – only then can you realise that abundance is right here right now.

While I was following the crowd and moved slowly towards the exist, a gentlemen standing a few persons behind me shouted out, ” Hey miss, you left a blue jacket in the seat!”. “Oh no!” I thought – while I was thankful to this friendly reminder, I was frustrated by the fact that I had to go against the current and return to my seat to get it (you can imagine how difficult it was to do so!)… when I was finally there, I found that it’s a blue blanket used in the plane but NOT my blue jacket… my jacket was in my bag!

This experience made me wonder how easily we could be influenced by what other people say, especially when we are not fully present and mindful of what we are doing. Everyone has her own opinion and perception, but it’s not necessary true or beneficial for you. A lot of time, people have their limiting beliefs and bias which may in turn affect us negatively if we don’t think clearly for ourselves.

It’s therefore important for us to be mindful and centered, especially for important matters such as how we want to live our lives, what is our life purpose, whom we want to be with for the rest of our lives…This is our lives and our own responsbilities. ..what we really need to do is to listen to our heart.

This quote from legandary pychologist and educator Virginia Satir is very inspiring for me : “We must not allow other people’s limited perceptions

Then… within minutes, I have two unexpected guests – bees!

I am not sure if it is because the irresistable scent from this big plot of flowers next to the window or the fact that these poor little creatures have been starving for a while (no work during rainy days!), these bees joyfully entered my apartment through the windows…. until the found out that they cannot get out of the window– they don’t understand why they cannot get pass this invisible wall (the transparent glass) which separate them from the beautiful world outside.

Well, it’s time for me to release life again… I told myself. Then I got told of a piece of soft peacook weather (which I brought for this specific purpose!) to gentle guide and lead the bees towards the open window, hoping that they can regain their freedom…

As much as I wish, despite my greatest sincere efforts, only one bee managed to follow my “guidance” and free itself, while the other one has been stubbornly ignoring my signalling and kept bumping against the glass window, with hope that it can break free…until it was exhausted to death…

I cannot help but wonder, are we like this bee sometime? There are so many friends, families, therapists and even the forces from the universe that want to help and support us during difficult time, but have we been blind to this? Instead of letting go and following the guidance, we stubbornly stick to our limiting beliefs and unresourceful thinking pattern….and continue to struggle.

It is so important to stop resisting and start allowing sometime, as the western idiom says “Let go and let God”… only then can we truey discover and open ourselves up to receive the support from others and the universe… this may even be the moment that miracle can happen…

A man traveling across a field encountered a tiger. He fled, the tiger after him. Coming to a precipice, he caught hold of the root of a wild vine and swung himself down over the edge. The tiger sniffed at him from above. Trembling, the man looked down to where, far below, another tiger was waiting to eat him. Only the vine sustained him.

Two mice, one white and one black, little by little started to gnaw away the vine. The man saw a luscious strawberry near him. Grasping the vine with one hand, he plucked the strawberry with the other. How sweet it tasted!

It is very normal for us to think about the past and worry about the future… and we need to constantly remind ourselves of the wonder of life at this moment…here and now, and nowhere else…

When we start to identify with our bodies and minds and think of this life as ours, then we are similar to the traveler who doesn’t want to leave the hotel. We have a wrong idea about this temporary stopping place, and we find ourselves always in struggle and conflict.

? Ajahn Chah, from Being Dharma

Everyone of us is affected by one of these common negative emotions to a varying degree – anger, sadness, fear, hurt and guilt. To me, fear and worry is the predominant one. Growing up, I spent lots of time worry about small things, such as if I get the perfect answer in an exam, if my boyfriend is interested in the girl sitting next to us in the cinema, or if my hair looks good today.

With some personal development tool, I am able to identify the source of such a pattern, and I am able deal with it constructively. However, the old pattern may be triggered (by the bad economy and general negativity nowadays) and returns momentarily, under such circumstances, the best way to deal with it is through mindfulness –to bring our awareness back to the present moment.

The Vietnamese Buddhist monk and philosopher Thich Nhat Hanh, writes about enjoying a cup of tea : We must be completely awake in the present to enjoy the tea, only then can we really feel the pleasant warmth of the tea cup, the aroma and taste of the tea. If we are ruminating about the past and worrying about the future, you will completely miss the experience of enjoying the tea. You will look down into the cup, and the tea is gone before you know it.

The past is gone, and the future is yet to come. Plan on it, but don’t waste time worrying about it. Worrying is worthless. When you stop ruminating about the past and worrying about what might never happen, then you will be in the present moment. You will begin to experience the joy of life.

“My mum never compliment me once in my life… instead, she finds every opportunity to criticize and make me feel bad!” she complained at the beginning of the session. Through the session, she realized there is a pattern of self sabotage as a revenge to her own mother “ You think I am not good then I just prove it to you…you should be happy about it right?!” her inner child said.

Sometime it’s hard to imagine how powerful our unconscious mind is, no matter it is driving us towards the resourceful behaviours or the destructive ones. Being rejected as a child has a profound impact on us, and the effect lasts until when we have grown up. The negative emotion and hurtful feeling maybe trapped deep in our psyche, which resulted in our belief that the world is a hostile place and that we need to fight. Sometime the rejection may lead to something worse - the rejection of ourselves.

I think many of us can relate to this. In our culture, parents seldom praise the children, and they believe that being demanding is the best way of parenting. What we need to do is to recognize this pattern and it source. Only then we can forgive our parents, heal the inner child, let go of the past and walk out of the shadow. The true maturity and personal power is the result of such a realization and taking responsibility of our lives.

I fully understand her frustration - having grown up during a relatively affluent time, our experience and needs are naturally different from that of our parents, who have gone through much rougher time. Their priorities in life are thus very different - they want stable jobs, protective environments for themselves & their children… and they sometime pressurize their children to follow the “safe path” that they want.

Despite the difference and the apparent generation gap, it’s important for us to understand that our parents love us as much as they could, in the way that they know…having such an understanding would make our relationship with the parents much easier…love is there no matter what….

With the Chinese New Year coming up, may I take this opportunity to wish all of my friends, family and clients very Best in Year of Ox - I hope all of them can stay positive despite the gloomy economic situation, knowing that happiness is the state of our mind which is totally dependent on our mind. External environment is merely the reflection of our minds…